Saturday, December 20, 2003
went for smss band concert... well not as good as last year. haiz, my batch was better. went to take pics with deb. hahaha... alright lah. at least my face is not as bad as those pics i took in sch. hahaha... hp cam disfigures my face! yay! last minute car wash is being cancelled! hahaha... wooohoooo!!! i can slp later and wake up later. gonna meet jh at orchard mrt station tml.. 11 am.. so early. meeting jess! yay! she's back from aussie. but she's leaving at 3... at least we get to see her. dan i'll shop for clothes!!! ok, i go brush teeth le.

oh yah!!!!! we were having our dinner at city link just now. deborah gave me a shock man! she kept hitting and asking me to look at ther direction she pointed. guess who we saw!!!! FADZILI AND HIS CHINESE GIRLFRIEND! wooooo! lol... applause for him.. haha... not bad huh, after A's.. hahaha... chinese gf somemore. he look the same. just that he's a little taller. deborah kept saying that his gf look old. no lor! think she look kinda sweet. hahahaha... must tell hai han. lol... long lost pal man. must get together after A's ma. unbelivable. ok, i go brushteeth le.
- at 1:19 AM

Friday, December 19, 2003
haha... was talking to JH about our mom's feet etc... haha... i thought my mommy's feet is the smallest compared to all my relatives and friends' mom... hahaha... who noes, ben's mom's feet is like HUR HUR... hahaha.. size 3! hahaha.... how to fine shoe? my poor mom have to go to those children department to look for the right shoe size. no kid ok. i always feel so paiseh to follow her around the kids department... hahaha... but i am proud of her! hahaha... so petite still can give birth to three girls. hahaha... good job dad. LOL...

think i am kinda like my mom.. hahaha... like mom like daughter. we hate to wear shoes dan cover up our toes. feel so uncomfortable. i am a slipper girl! hate wearing socks and shoe. wanna wear shoe must wear socks. prefer to 'air' my toes. hahaha... no lah.. actually to show off my toe ring and my coloured toe nail. hahahaha... talking about toe rings... funny... cant remember when i started wearing them. think it was a few years back. sec 3? cant really remember. just know that if i take it out, i'll feel something's missing. din really know about the toe ring 'theory' until one of my indian friend told me.. hahaha... only married indian ladies wear toe rings. and the ring will be on the right leg, second toe. to show that they're married.

i seldom wear shoes to school. haha... dat's why i always get myself into 'accidents' hahaha.. it's either i slip and fall, or some idiots will step on my sandals and make me fall. sports sandals, normal ladies sandals, 4 pairs of flip flops. hahaha... scary. my mom would always threatened to throw them away.

sian man! in school now... i'm gonna be bored to death... wad else to type??

oh, going for smss's polka concert tonight. hope it wun be boring. if not i'll sleep in tha hall. pack schedule from next week... yay!!! holiday from next tuesday till 5 of jan. so idiotic. two weeks of holiday is definitely not enough. not enough time for me to go crazy and do all sorts of funny things. got to catch up with some of them. will be meeting jess and jh after car wash tml... arrgh.. suddenly dun have the drive to go for the car wash... dun have the commitment. think it's because of the pre-holiday syndrome. haiz, need to help my daddy this sunday. there goes my 21 of dec... go back to sch on monday and free! haha... 23th go shop of new year clothes with JH. idiot. hate to shop of 'dress', 'skirts'... who say new year must wear until so girly. 24th christmas eve... meeting a bunch of monkeys and donkeys. hahahaha.... think we'll be ransacking deb's house. hahaha.. gonna stay over till the next morning! but think i'll help my dad before that. must be a filial daughter before i go get wild. haha... 25th, see where we wanna go... 26th, it's either i'll help my dad or go look for jasmine, or prepare for the BBQ... 27th, meeting JH... need to buy loads of stuff for the BBQ next day. 28th, YAY! smss 4e2 rox! miss you guys! hope it doesn't rain on that day. if not we'll be having bbq in the rain. 29th and 30th... rest or go help my dad or meet deb and LQ... swimming! 31th, countdown for newyear! supposed to be with my loved ones. hahaha.. but think i'll stay over a deb's house... but before that, think the bunch of monkeys wanna go for some countdown thingy... so crowded and luan. 2 jan, rp mates rulez! going to sentosa with TN 0403 peeps. dan i'll help my dad for the rest of my holidays. busy man! ban tiao ming. haha...
- at 10:30 AM


Song : [What Took You So Long?]
Artist name : Emma Bunton

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, talk to me, can't you see
I'll help you work things out.
Oh, don't wanna be your enemy
And I don't want to scream and shout.

'Cos, baby, I believe in honesty
And then be strong and true.
I shouldn't have to say now, baby,
That I believe in you.

What took you so long?
What took you all night?
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good;
I make you feel fine.
You know, I'll never give it up this time.
Oh, no, no.

Oh, you touched my heart right from the start,
You didn't know what to say.
But, honey, I understand
When you take my hand everything's OK.

'Cos, baby, I believe reality,
It's never far away.
I've had enough, so listen, baby,
I've got something to say.

What took you so long?
What took you all night?
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good;
I make you feel fine.
You know, I'll never give it up this time.

What took you so long? (What took you so long?)
What took you all night? (What took you all night?)
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good; (I treat you so good)
I make you feel fine. (I make you feel fine)
You know, I'll never give it up this time.
Oh, no, no.

Baby, I believe in honesty
And then be strong and true.
I shouldn't have to say now, baby,
That I believe in you.

What took you so long?
What took you all night?
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good;
I make you feel fine.
You know, I'll never give it up this time.

What took you so long? (What took you so long?)
What took you all night? (What took you all night?)
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good; (I treat you so good)
I make you feel fine. (I make you feel fine)
You know, I'll never give it up this time.

What took you so long? (What took you so long?)
What took you all night? (What took you all night?)
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good; (I treat you so good)
I make you feel fine. (I make you feel fine)
You know, I'll never give it up this time.
Oh, no, no.

- at 9:41 AM

Thursday, December 18, 2003
like i'll trust you. i'll accept if one comes along the way.


- at 11:12 PM

Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Fantasy

when you open this book here, it is time to look at the role that fantasy is playing in your life. Fantasy is the creation of your imagination. Unlike reality, fantasy is free of restrictions and practicalities. Fantasy can be a wonderful thing, a way of focusing on a dream to help make it a reality, a way of having fun or escaping for a little while. But you are using fantasy in a negative way at the moment - as a way of avoiding full participation in the present and in the reality of your own life. Look at how you are doing this. Do you dream of the perfect partner without doing anything to find them? Do you put up with an unhappy relationship and fantasise about the neightbour or postman to get through each day? If so you are using fantasy as a way of avoiding the truth, the reality of your life. Now is the time to stop and live in the present. Concentrate on what is real and work on making it better.

Maybe right now you are making something out of nothing in the relationship arena. Stop reading so much into the little that is going on. Stop attributing unknown thoughts and intentions to the person that you are attracted to. If someone looks your way and smiles, that is all that they have done. They haven't communicated a deep desire to be with you. They haven't offered you hope for the future. They simply smiled. If someone doesn't phone you, arrange to be with you, make time to see you and make you a priority, then you are living in a fantasy if you believe that you are having a successful relationship with them. If someone sees you a few hours a week or once every few weeks, the dream of being together is based on hope and imagination, fantasy not reality. Now is the time to face this. Free yourself for someone available and deal with the fears that attract you to someone unavailable. Deal with the fear of real intimacy.

Maybe you opened the book here because your attraction to a movie star or other famous person is filling up your relationship space and blocking the potential for real love. Or, if you're doing while in a relationship, it's a way of distracting yourself and avoiding full intimacy with your partner. In either case it's time to stop fantasising and move closer to someone you can really be with. It's easy to be attracted to famous people or people that we do not know, as they can seem so ideal, but it isn't real. Strip away the glamour and you'll see that these are only ordinary people too. They get grumpy, ill, tired, they go to the bathroom. The fantasy is so perfect because it excludes all of this. It takes you away from the real life. But in doing so it robs you of the potential for a true, real and fulfilling relationship. Let go of the fantasy and face reality. Even if it hurts, it's worth it. You're worth someone and something real.

----- "Love Wisdom" by Carolyn Temsi & Caro Handley

- at 4:43 PM


down to the drain. darn it man. none can be trusted.
- at 3:12 PM

Tuesday, December 16, 2003
did a real dumb thing today. i took the mrt home coz it was raining. my bus pass was left with ZERO bux, so i had to purchase the standard ticket thingy... ok, when i reached little india station i thought i saw my dad... second glance, it was my dad! i mean naturally when one sees his or her dad, he will definitely shout "daddy".. ok, at least that was what i did. guess what... my dad din turn ard.. instead, he continue to walk to the control station... i wanted to pass him my umbrella so i ran up the escalator... idiot... the standard card couldn't work! stupid exit... kept *beeping* i had to walk all the way to te other exit.. by the time, my dad had already boarded the train. so dumb.

- at 11:08 PM

Monday, December 15, 2003
now that everything's over... i really dunno what more to say... you know.. some stuff are just so not right to say it over the phone. dats why i'll type it down in words. and i know you read it everyday. really appreciate you support! haha.. erm... at least you know where to head to now. i cant say that you can see the 'light' now. coz definitely there's still fog. in fact i think that everything is 'blur' for you... in a sense that it's too clear for you to see 'clearly'. remember how you always encourage me? haha.. depend on me? cant imagine if one day i ignore you... haha... you know that won't happen... haha... stupid girl... dun you try to make me cry. it's not that i am always there for you. haha... put it in other words, i am too suay... hahaha... whenever you got problems sure call me... haha... i not free also free lah. haha... so suay. you be careful... tell me all your secrets... hahaha... one day i'll shout out to the whole world. see what happens if you trust a person too much.

stupid girl... make me call you from school today... i thought what happened... ppl thought i siao... hahaha.. got hp dun use, use pay phone. hope after tonight everything's alright. i would rather to be loved than to love someone. no point crying over some useless shit. not worth it... remember the stepping stone theory we both had? ya lah.... it's just another stone you stepped on. it's either you dun move and stink or you continue moving forward. along the way, there'll definitely be a boat (or maybe a frog!). that's when you know that you are being 'saved'. someone that you can actually depend on. as much as i've said, move on. dont waste your time waiting. he is just another boat with a hole in it. dun you ever dare to board it again. you'll sink. or maybe he mend the hole? ok, that's another story... and that will never happen. not that i wanna put you on cold blanket.... but you urself know it ya? your world wun turn dark. you will see the 'light' soon. i promise you can get it over fast. time plays a major role in all these shit. in the first place, we shouldn't have gotten ourselves into all these shit stuff. ya, it's easier to say... it's not like we can control. ok, i shan't say that all guys are jerks... but most of them are so insensitive. ok, yes.. for the first time i am not being stereotype. try not to put ur whole heart into it... okok.. i am teaching you bad... it's like... the more you dig, the more pain you will feel. yes, things won't be the same. better or worse. it depends on how you wanna face it. you can sit there and cry the whole day like nobody's business... you are just making urself worse. i know you wont do that. might as well face it. look on the brighter side. like what i said.... thank God that you are not with him, as you can find a better one. it's fate that you two din get together.... coz he is not obstructing your The One to appear... okok... do i sound like Ben? cant help it... you are the one would make me read it. haha... anyway, i am just a friend of yours. what's most important is what you think and how you find your way out of the misty, ugly, weary cave.

thank God for giving me such a wonderful friend. haha... dunno how come you will suddenly pop out of nowhere.. haha... you weren't supposed to be in smss... remember how we sort of have bad impression about each other? hahaha... so funny... frist question was... "eh, deborah mei you lai ar?" those Mac Donald's time were great. laugh till i cried. hahaha... remember how i used to tell you about hai han? and how we joke about all sorts of stupid stuff... we weren't even studying for our 'O'... haha... i think we were more to having fun. ok girl... getting too emotional... i shan't type anymore. i haven even finish my Rj and my dinner... haven even bathe! YOU LAH! always liddat. made me call you from school... i really looked like an idiot ok. one last thing, hahaha.. you go eat the shit.
- at 7:38 PM

Sunday, December 14, 2003
Artist: Collin Raye
Album: In This Life
Title: Let It Be Me


I bless the day i found you
I want to stay around you
And so i beg you
Let it be me

Don't take this heaven from one
If you must cling to someone
Now and forever
Let it be me

Each time we make love
I found complete love
Without your sweet love
What would life be

So never leave me lonely
Tell me you love me only
And that you'll always
Let it be me

Each time we made love
I found complete love
Without your sweet love
What would life be

So never leave me lonely
Tell me you love me only
And that you'll always
Let it be me

Promise you'll always
Let it be me

- at 11:11 PM


had my dinner at Fatty just now... family dinner i shall put it. bill footed by my sis.. haha... sian-ed... loads of stuff... ok, gonna study for C and C.. sux man! i hate it! haiz... busy... tuesday C and C, thursday enterprise...

busy man... my dad wants me to help out at his stall from next sunday... wo de ma ya.. i'd have to go all the way down to jurong east. haiz... why cant i just help my uncle at bugis. so far... all the way to jurong... jurong west some more. i dun mind helping him... at least he no need to hire worker... waste $$. but the thought of going all the way from little india to jurong makes me sick... and i wun be able to enjoy my slp... i have to wake up early. i know i am a pig... but it's sunday! arrrrrrrrgh... i can only grumble here... at least i din complain in front of him... the only think i said was 'ok' ................ all things happen for a reason... God knows what reason it is... haiz... for me to have limited anount of slp? i dunno lah.. the lord has his plan. feel so lifeless out of a sudden, especially when i have so many things in my mind. feel so jaded. ARRRRGH!
- at 10:45 PM


1. Name: Cai Yiqian

2. Were you named after any anyone? : siao. dun ever copy my name man! who dunno how to pronounce my name shall die!

3. Do you wish on stars? : yesh.

4.Which finger is your favourite? : dun have. siao.. i love my toes!

5. When did you last cry? : supid stuff. dun wanna mention.

6. Do you like your handwritting?: of course! it's my writing!

7. What is your favourite meat? : chicken meat.. lol.. i hate pork!

8. Any bad habits? : let me see... touch my nose? i dunno.. my dad say one...

9. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? : they are not embarrassin ok. lol...

10. If you were another person, would you be friends WITH you? : ??? wad talking you?

11. Are you a daredevil? : It depends.. haha...

12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? : no.

13. Do looks matter? : to a certain extent.. characters matter most.. pls lor... everyone cares about looks. so there.

14. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid?: i think so... so hokkien word.. i mispronouced it and they were laughing at me... lame man!

15. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? : ... wad so you think?

16. Do fish have feelings? : yes. all living things have feeling. plants also. at least that's what i think.

17. Are you trendy? : i wear what i like.

18. How do you release anger?: blog.. haha..
keep quiet and watch comedy.. haha.. and tell
that person i m not happy.. look for yiqian..
hahax.. (stupid jh... always complain to me... hahaha... i do the same.. LOL!)

19. Where are your second homes? : dun have! chander road is my home.

21. What was your favourite toy as a child? : i dunno. i think it was a frog. i cant remember... my mom say i vomited on it... hur hur hur...

22. What class in school do you think is totally useless? : C and C!!! sux man! lame lor!!! not related to my course. lame. enterprise also!

24. Have you ever been on television?: yes.. so lame... dun talk about it.

25. Do u keep a journal?: yah.. wad is this...

26. Do you use sarcasm a lot?: haha.. depends.

27. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? : wads a mosh pit? mud yes.

28. What do you look for in a guy/girl? : honesty. sincerity. faithfulness. ask so much for wad. kpo.

29. What are your nicknames? : none. haha..

30. Would you bunjee? : dun mind.

31. Do you un-tie your shoes when you take them ? : nope i jus slip my feet in.. haha..

32. What are you worried about right now? : none?

33. Do you ever wear overalls? : nope. i dun own one.

35. What's your favourite ice cream flavor? : anything from the greeny. yum yum.

36. Whats your favourite colour/s? : yellow.

37. What is your least fav. thing in the world?: i dunno...

38. How many wisdom teeth do you have? : none.

39. Are you in love with anyone? : nope.

40. How many people have a crush on you right
now? : none.

41. Who do you miss most right now? : none.

- at 4:45 PM


1)Starting time: 3:31 pm
2)Full name: Chua Yee Chien
3)Nickname: dun haf
4)School: Retarded Poly... republic poly.
5)E-mail: yiqian86@hotmail.com
6)Star sign: Aries.
7)Zodiac sign: the ram!
8)Siblings: sis and sis.. lol... i am the second!
9)Good frends: uncountable.
10)Ever go out late @ nite: yah. but b4 12:30. will get killed by my dad. haha.. special occasions lar.
11)Ever missed school because it was raining: stupid excuse. no.
12)How often u go out: depends on who wanna ask me out.
13)Kept a secret from everyone? yah. but i think jh noes most of em. idiot... cant hide things from her.
14)Had an imaginary friend?: no. lame.
15)Religion: free thinker. mom's a buddhist. dad's a free thinker.
16)Wish for sister or brother: peace, wisdom and good health.
17)Had a crush on a teacher?: siao. pls lor.. smss's mae teachers? wahahaha!!! old and hunky? lol...
19)Ever at anytime owned a 'New Kids on the
Block' tape?: siao.
20)Ever prank called someone: LOL!!! wahaha... yong xiang!!! wahaha.... so funny!!!
21)Been on stage: yah~~
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
22)Favourite things: i dunno. my yellow star for now. good to hug. hahaha... i like the smiley! haha...
23)Colors: yellow.
where is qns 24??
25)Online: depends.
26)Countries: singapore?
27)Like anyone: hope not. choy.
28)Who have you known the longest of your friend: deborah gian kandiah.
29)Who's the loudest: me! haha.. enling.
30)Who's the shyest: viv?
31)Who do you go to for advice: myself, parents... talk to JH. haha.. complain to her... but in the end... i'll have to help her solve her problems.. NOT FAIR!
32)Who do you get along with best: my peeps.

> ***** IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS HAVE YOU ***** >
33)Cried: yah. so lame. i am dumb.
34)Been mean: of course! everyday, every hour, every min.
35)Been sarcastic: of course! everyday, every hour, every min.
38)Talked to someone you never liked before: lame... of course lah!
39)Missed someone: dun think so.
40)Hugged someone: my yellow star to slp! haha... i like.
41)Fought with your parent(s): no. unless i am being wronged or wadeva.
42)Wished upon a star: yeah! of course! haha...
43)Laughed until you've cried: yah. haha.. so funny. orh shu bao muei li!!!
44)Played Truth or Dare: no in the last two weeks,
45)Watched a sunrise/sunset: not int he last wo weeks.
46)Went to the beach at night: not in the last two weeks.
47)Read a book: yah.
48)Ate a meal: what do you think? not a but many.
49)Are you lonely?: now? no leh.
50)Are you happy?: normal.
51)Are you talking to someone online?: no.

> ***** ***** DO YOU BELIEVE IN ***** ***** >
52)God/Devil: God
53)Love: should be? but it sux lah.
54)The Closest fren: maybe?
55)In curse: no. oh shit.. i sneeze.. someone miss me!!! who????
56)Heaven/hell: heaven
57)Superstitions?: depends
58)Full Name: ?? wad talking you?
59)Who named you?: some old man.. and my parents choose the name.
60)Backstreet Boys or NSync?: believe in them? siao.. songs only.
61)When was the last time you go out?: yst.. for cat high's concert.

62)When was the last time you were online?: now lah! siao!
63)What is right next to you?: handphone, comp, scanner, window, fan.
64)What is your computer desk made of?: wood, plastic, metal.
65)What was the last thing that you ate: egg sandwich.. made by my sis.
66)where would you want to go on ur honeymoon?: Venice, Rome
67)Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? : depends on who wanna be with me! haha...
68)How's the weather right now?: going to rain soon.
69)What did you do last night?: think, slp.
70)Things that you find attractive about the opposite sex?: can make me smilez and get crazy for the whole day! haha.. no lah... his natural charm and honesty. just by being himself? how i noe???
71)How do YOU eat an Oreo?: bite lah! ... if you have an oreo which side would you give me!!??
72)All time favorite tv show: dun have.
73)Dream car?: ford.
74)What do you want to be when you grow up: biopolis here i come! lol...
75)Favorite music?: pachelbel canon in d.
76)Favorite days of the week?: friday.
77)Favourite food?: grandpa's yam and pig trotters!! Yum Yum.
78)If you could change your name, what would it be?: none. i love my name.
79)Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? when i was young. haha.. but now? lol.. with my yellow star!!! good to hug. i like.
80)The most stupid thing you have ever done?: loads of stupid things.. which one?
81)First Son's name?: how i noe?
82)Do u keep pets: no. my sis. stupid smelly turtle.. darn smelly!
83)You like scary or funny movies better?: depends
84)On the phone or in person?: depends
85)Lust or Love?: love
86)What is your hp no: 9-------
87)Sports day u play: a first aider. hahaha... i am good ok.
88)Dislike sports: no~
89)Who sent this survey to you?: what do you think?
90)What do you think: ?? huh? think wad? oI! isn't this my fav line? wad do you think?
91)What is your favorite song? love me!!! colin raye rox! haha...
92)Do you want your friends to do this survey?: of course! waste my time...
93)Time Finished ?: 4:12 pm
94)Date: 14/12/2003
- at 4:13 PM


FIRSTS

First best friend: deborah giam kandiah.
First real memory of something: when my dad stopped his car and i actually 'fly' outa the front seat.... whole body upsize down... aiyo.. scary man.
First car: toy car?
First date: 220386...
First break-up: never
First job: stupid work attachment... SMRT... hahaha.. so lame.
First screen name: none... cyc maybe.
First self purchased album: free spirit. haha.. band cd.
First pet: an injured sparrow... all thanks to my dad... it died two days later...
First piercing/tattoo: on my dad's bd... ear lah.
First true love: LOL! none.
First enemy: dun have?
First trip: to KL
First play/musical/performance: band competition? haha... lame RCY talent time... dressed like some shit.. haha... unforgettable!

LASTS
Last cigarette: never! i hate smokers.
Last big car ride: lorry.. quite cool.. haha.. coz i was helping my dad to load and unload his stuff... unbelivable yah?
Last good cry: dun wish to mention.
Last library book checked out: biochem book... useful. but i din have the time to finish it.
Last movie seen: wishing stairs. les man!
Last beverage drank: lemon barley
Last food consumed: egg sandwich... made by my younger sis.. haha.. bully her!
Last crush: dun have. hmm... wilber pan! lol.. i love his eyebrow!
Last phone call: stupid JH! force me to call the bbq person. arrgh! paiseh ok!
Last tv show watched: yst night.. haha... discovery thingy with my mom... about eating peacock...
Last time showered: 16 hrs ago...
Last shoes worn: my sis's heels...
Last cd played: my burned cd. craig david and others...
Last item bought: fishball noddle... haha.. last night.
Last annoyance: last night. my dad keep asking me to solve some maths qns.
Last disappointment: when i felt dumb.
Last soda drank: long ago... pepsi if i am not wrong
Last ice cream eaten: those road side ice cream (bugis). haha... shared with my mom...
Last time wanting to die: never. i'll die at the age of 75 and after. i wan to see my grandchildren.. haha...
Last time scolded: two days ago... by my dad (in chinese) :"pls eat the banana! if not i'm going to throw it away! it's good for your health.. blah blah blah..."
Last shirt worn: now. haha... smss PE tee.
Last website visited: blogger.

- at 3:20 PM


went for Catholic High School's symphony band. great? not bad lah.. haha.. looking forward to smss's concert. wad to say? cat high's peeps are quite creative. when it was close to their last piece, they wore those santa hat.. haha... have those 'pop' crackers. haha.. i wan sunflowers!!!! the students gave their conductor those medium size sunflowers!!! i wanted to go up stage and snatch it from her... hahaha...
- at 12:39 AM